Today, She Would Be 20
Two weeks ago today, on what would have been Ashley’s 20th birthday, I posted the following on my MySpace site. Since it kind of goes along with the whole Living With a Broken Heart theme, I thought I would re-post it here, two weeks later. God bless you, and thank you for reading.
Today is Friday, April 27, 2007.
Today, she would be 20.
Ashley Jean O’Rear was born on April 27, 1987, in Corpus Christi, Texas. I was 25 years old, Susan was 22, and Ashley was our first child. We were young, and we were so excited to have been blessed by God with such a beautiful child. Ashley was the classic “bundle of joy”. Her presence in our lives would cause us to experience life, and love, and joy from a whole new perspective and at a much deeper level than we had ever imagined before becoming parents. In the words of a song that I wrote in Ashley’s memory shortly after her death, “The day you came into my life, my world began anew. I didn’t know that love could run as deep as I love you.”
There are so many wonderful memories floating around in my heart, many of them accompanied by photographs that were taken through the years as Ashley grew. Even in those snapshots that encapsulate only a split second of time, there is an infectious enthusiasm in her eyes and in her smile that reaches out and grabs you and will not let go. There was something almost magical about her spirit that stole the hearts of most people who knew her. I miss that magic.
Ashley was nine years old (almost ten) when she was diagnosed with a malignant brain tumor. She went through a year-and-a-half of treatments – surgery, radiation, and chemotherapy – followed by a three-year period during which she was cancer-free. In September of 2001, at age 14, the cancer returned. She fought it hard once again, and continued to live every day to the fullest, right up to the very last day. On Saturday afternoon, November 24, 2001, Ashley’s struggle ended, and our struggle to go on living without her began.
Life is not the same without her. Life will never be the same without her. I learned so much about life, about love, about faith, and about hope by watching my Princess struggle courageously and with incredible grace as she faced, literally, the battle of her life. Our lives are better because she was here. There is something missing in our lives because she is gone. But it is not a hopeless emptiness. We will see her again, and that hope gives balance to the emptiness, and makes it possible for us to approach life with the same fervor and zeal and enthusiasm and joy which characterized her short time on this earth.
Today she would be 20.
But in my mind and in my heart, she will always be 14.
July 16th, 2007 at 11:13 pm
i stumbled upon your web-site.WOW what a story,,it intregued me to the end..what a wonderful young lady ashley is,how much joy she added to the world..you were right about the box of tissues….i am 40 years old when my mom was pregnant with me she took the drug thalidomide,at age 3 i was diagnosed with leukemia,,since then i have had on again off again medical problems,.i luckily had no visable disformaties from the thalidomide .in 1984 i was diagnosed with lupus,discoid and symstetic..i am getting some pretty bad lesions on my skin,,you can see similar ones by putting in lupus lesions and clicking on images on most search engins.i take leprosy med. and steroids(prednasoid,plaquenil),and thyroid med..now my doctor tells me i possibly can take thalidomide to see what happens..kinda ironic,,to take the same drug that could have inhibited some of the problems,,but they dont know that it even inhibited it at all..i have my tubes tied,so i dont have to worry about getting pregnant on the drug.anyway that is how i stumbled onto ashley,,doing research..what an inspiration she is,,and will always be,,,there was something about her beautiful face the moment i seen her picture…thank you for sharing her with me..thank you thank you thank you…i needed that….nicole,burley,idaho
August 9th, 2007 at 4:24 pm
Sorry so much.
Mijelle.
August 9th, 2007 at 4:27 pm
SHE IS WHITH YOU. I NOW. ¿CAN YOU SEE HER?. SHE LOVE YOU SO MUCH. AND SAY YOU : THANK POR REMEMBER ME.
MIJELLE.
October 21st, 2007 at 6:53 pm
Thank you so much for sharing your sweet Ashley with us. What a legacy she left behind. I am praising the Lord for her faith in him as well as you and your families faith and trust in God. Our little boy died on March 12, 1989, he would be turning 18 on November 8th of this year. I know that him and Ashley have probabaly talked a few times.
It sure does bring some sort of relief to a broken heart knowing that we will meet up with them again in heaven. God is Awesome and keeps his promises. Thank you again for sharing her story. We most certainly will never forget her. Take Care & God Bless you and your Family. The Smiths
October 24th, 2007 at 12:30 pm
Dear Paul - i am so sorry for the loss of your precious daughter Ashley. thank you for sharing her story, although i am in tears after reading about her battle. she was so courageous, she reminds me very much of my son Christopher. you can visit his web page to read about his courage as well. my heart truly goes out to you in your loss.
love and hugs,
maria
Christopher’s mommy forever
November 22nd, 2007 at 8:31 pm
I BELIEVE ASHLEY WOULD BE MY COISIN. WELL TO THINK OF IT IM SORRY.I KINDA KNOW WHAT YOU ARE DELLLING WITH MY DAD [WILLI O’REAR] PAST AWAY 1 WEEK AFTER MY BDAY I WAS IN THE FIRST GRADE AND MY GMA LINDA O’REAR DIED OF CANCER TO I REALY DO PRAY FOR YOUR FAMILY.I JUST TRUNED 12. I READ JUSTINS LITTLE STORIES I THOUGHT THEY WERE CUTE AND THE ON CANCER I’AM ON HIS SIDE ON HOW THAT IS WRONG.
November 22nd, 2007 at 8:44 pm
I REALY LIKED THE SONG UNTIL THEN
December 27th, 2007 at 2:25 pm
Hi Paul, Susan & Justin-
It’s hard to believe that Ashley has been gone for 6 years. It’s hard to believe that if she were still here she’d be a young woman now… What is NOT hard to believe (although it should be!) is the incredible lesson of faith, love, hope & courage I learned from her struggle. Ashley was an amazing inspiration and not many 14 year olds can claim that - nor many 45 year olds (like myself).
I know you guys miss her - heck I wish there wasn’t a web page about her struggle with cancer - but I can’t second-guess God’s plans - only go with it and try to be a better Christian from it… I think Ashley is perfect now.