Living With a Broken Heart: Introduction (Part 2)
The entirety of this book is built upon four basic premises concerning grief that I have discovered through the deaths of my Dad and my little girl:
- Hearts broken by grief cannot be fixed.
- Each person grieves in their own way.
- Grief and Happiness are not mutually exclusive.
- “All things work together for good to those who love the Lord.”
The title of this book reflects the reality of the first premise. A heart that is broken by grief simply cannot be fixed. You can’t “get over it and get on with your life”. The emptiness does not go away. The pain and heartache do not magically disappear after a prescribed amount of grieving time. “Getting over it” is simply not an option.
You can, however, learn to live with a broken heart. You can learn to incorporate that pain and emptiness into your life in some very real and very positive ways. You can’t “get over it”, but you certainly can (and should) “get on with your life”.
If you have picked up this book because you have a friend or loved one whose heart is broken by grief, thank you. Broken-hearted people need the love and understanding of gentle, caring people like you. I don’t know that I can answer all of your questions about how to help someone grieve (and I’m not even certain that there IS any formula for how to do that), but I will share with you some of my thoughts concerning things that I have found to be helpful.
What I do know is that your simple presence and your genuine love and concern are of far greater value than any words you will speak. Your job is not to help your friend or loved one find healing or overcome their grief. Healing is an elusive process that can only come with time, and even then it is incomplete. There are no “right words” that can be spoken to fix broken hearts. Remember, hearts broken by grief cannot be fixed. Your job is simply to love. Sometimes you don’t even have to speak words. Just love us, and hug us, and pray for us … and God will help us figure out the rest.
If you are reading this book because you are in the middle of a broken heart, my prayers are with you. I know something of the road you are traveling. I understand the frustration of other people’s expectations concerning your grief. I am well-acquainted with the unspeakable pain that arises unbidden in your heart, sometimes with no advance warning and without being specifically provoked. I have experienced the same deep sense of hopelessness that you sometimes find weighing heavily on your soul. There have been times when the heartache has been so intense and the pain so overwhelming, it didn’t even seem possible that my heart could go on beating within my chest.
My prayer for you is not that your pain will go away, because I know that such a wish is unrealistic, even impossible. My prayer is not that God will heal your broken heart, because I’m not sure such healing is even possible. My prayer for you is the same as my prayer for me. I pray that God will grant you peace in the midst of heartache, blessings in the midst of trials, and hope in the midst of despair. I wish you only the best in life, and I hope that you will be able to learn, as I have, to live and to love and to laugh and to enjoy life … with a broken heart.
Whatever your reason for reading this book, thank you for assuming that I have something worthwhile to say. I hope I don’t let you down.
God bless you.